


don't dimiss it like it's easy (tell me what's so easy about coming to say goodbye)

by isloremipsumafterall



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Femslash February, Hanahaki Disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 09:28:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13544493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isloremipsumafterall/pseuds/isloremipsumafterall
Summary: Hanahaki disease: caused by unrequited love. Flowers will grow in the lungs leading to death if the feelings are not returned.~~Daisy falls in love and lives with the consequences.





	don't dimiss it like it's easy (tell me what's so easy about coming to say goodbye)

 

The first time she coughs up flower petals it’s just an ordinary day. Or as ordinary as it came being a SHIELD agent.

 

Daisy had been hanging out at the lab with Jemma, pestering her with inane questions to take the stress off the sort of life they lived.

 

“So there’s aliens-” Daisy had been saying when Jemma cut her off.

 

“I believe your DNA is living proof of that, along with my three month sojourn on another planet.” Jemma doesn’t even look up, she’s just focused on her pipettes and science but she’s still paying enough attention to Daisy to keep up with the conversation.

 

“But you don’t believe in ghosts. I mean remember when that lady was haunted?” Daisy asked and then tapped her fingers on the lab desk in thought, “I miss when that was the weirdest things got.”

 

“No you don’t.” Jemma retorted with ease, “And that was someone who was trapped in another dimension, we solved it.” She finally looked up at Daisy and just smirked at her, that proud noble Jemma Simmons smirk where she knew she was right, “Honestly Daisy, how do you think of these things.”

 

The smirk changed to something fond, pointed right at Daisy and she couldn’t help but grin back but there was a trickle in her throat that has her coughing.

 

Jemma dropped her instruments and peered at her, “Daisy? Are you all right.”

 

Daisy turned her head, feeling a strange sensation as flowers came up from her throat. Just two blue petals that matched the blue shirt that Jemma was wearing perfectly. She crushed them in her hand and turned back to Jemma to grin at her, “Never better.” She had lied.

 

It only got worse from there.

 

* * *

 

 

Hanahaki disease wasn’t something Daisy ever thought she’d have to worry about. Why would she ever fall in love so hard for someone who doesn’t love her back that she’d grow flowers in her lungs?

 

Her first stop is to check out WebMD. Jemma would hate it and would scrunch her nose and talk about peer driven papers for proof for something like that and the image alone made Daisy’s heart swell and another few petals come up her throat for her trouble.

 

It doesn’t tell her anything she doesn’t already know however, each website is the same thing:

 

_Hanahaki disease; caused by unrequited love. Flowers will grow inexplicably in ones lungs, clogging up the airways if the love is not returned. Current fix for hanahaki diseases are: having the previous unrequited love turned to requited love. Cutting it out, this will however remove all romantic feelings and some memories of the person._

 

Unrequited love. The much is obvious because Jemma is in love with Fitz and Daisy is growing flower petals in lungs.

 

The flower petals in her hand are practically mocking her at this point.

 

* * *

 

 

Something was shaking her awake but she didn’t want to leave her dream state. Jemma was there and they were on a beach with her hula girl on a table between them.

 

“Daisy.”

 

She opens her eyes with a huff, seeing Jemma standing over her.

 

“You can’t sleep like that, you’ll hurt your neck.” Jemma tsks at her.

 

“I think I was just proving I could sleep like that.” Daisy mutters, her voice still rough from coughing the night before.

 

She stiffened in an instant at the reminder of that and tried to look around surreptitiously to see if there were any spare petals lying around that would give her up to Jemma. Thankfully the floor was bereft of them and she closed her eyes, heaving a world weary sigh.

 

“Daisy?” Jemma was still hovering over her as she glanced up lazily. “Is everything all right?”

 

“Peachy.” Daisy grinned and wondered if peach tree petals would come up next. “Do peach trees have petals?”

 

“Where does your mind go?” Jemma looked bemused and shuffled Daisy’s feet off the couch to take a seat next to her. “Yes they have petals, why do you ask?”

 

“Just you know…Bill Nye-ing it over it. Curious about…science…” Even to herself it sounds like a lame excuse and Jemma shot her a questioning look. Daisy took a breath and forged onwards. “What are you doing here? I thought you were out with Fitz tonight.” She can’t say on a date. The word just won’t form on her lips and she suspects if it did it would come out with enough peach petals to drown them in this room.

 

Jemma fidgeted a little in her spot, “I was. We called it in early, Mack sent me a picture of you on the couch before he left with Elena. I suppose he didn’t know we were out because he asked me to ‘tell Tremors to get her ass in bed’” Jemma dropped her voice, trying to imitate Mack but it sounded ridiculous and it only takes one look between them before they’re both giggling at the impression with their knees knocking against each other as they laugh.

 

“You could have asked May.” Daisy pointed out when she stopped laughing and nearly bit her tongue. It was touching that Jemma cut a date short just to make sure she was okay. It was nice having Jemma sitting there next to her and not on another planet or lost in someone else’s eyes.

 

“I hadn’t seen you lately.” Jemma said honestly and it’s one of the things Daisy loves about her. They live in a world of lies and she’s seen now that Jemma can lie much better than when they first met but she still always tells Daisy the truth with an utter sincerity.

 

Daisy stretched for something to do as she thought of a reply, letting her bones pop as she did and snickering at the face Jemma made.

 

It was the fact that she wanted Jemma to be happy that makes her say, “I’m good now, you can go back to your regularly scheduled date.” Petals tickle her throat again, making her eyes water just a little and she tried to bite down the feelings. It feels like an inner quake inside of herself that she can’t control at all.

 

“Fitz can survive for one night. You and I haven’t gotten to spend time together in a while. Outside of weird situations that is.”

 

Just like that the petals stop and Daisy can convince herself that was affection in Jemma’s eyes.

 

“So, horror movie?” Daisy grinned brightly.

 

“Daisy no. I was thinking more like scrabble.” Jemma groaned and this time Daisy made a face.

 

“No cheating this time.” She must have been in love to agree so quickly though.

 

Unironically there are peach petals that she coughs up in the next morning.

 

* * *

 

 

Daisy knew she couldn’t keep it hidden for ever.

 

Mack was the one who found out first, after a mission when he went looking for her and found her in the bathroom with the door open and orange petals on the floor.

 

Jemma’s hair had smelled like oranges when they left.

 

He met her eyes through the bathroom sink and she winced but tried to grin. “Surprise?”

 

Mack rubbed a hand over his head and sighed at her. “Who is it?”

 

“If I tell you as partners legally you can’t tell anyone.”

 

“I don’t recall signing anything like that.” Mack joked but Daisy turned to level him with a stare and he held up his hands in offering. “All right.”

 

“It’s Jemma.” Daisy said softly, she was half expecting Mack to give her a pitying look. He knows as well as she does that Jemma has been having the occasional date with Fitz since she came back from the other planet.

 

“Tremors…” He sighed and pulled her in to a hug and for the first time the reality of the situation really crashed around Daisy. Yet she still held back her sobs as she cried.

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re looking a little under the weather.” Jemma can say it as calmly as she likes, Daisy can tell that tone of voice. It was her ‘unruly patient Skye’ tone of voice aiming for casual and missing by a mile.

 

Daisy shrugged from where she sat at the breakfast table, her toast uneaten on her plate before her. It wasn’t that she wasn’t hungry but her throat hurt from coughing so much and the toast seemed unappetizing.

 

There was a soft sigh above her and she heard Jemma walk away, Daisy tried not to let that hurt. It wasn’t like Jemma knew what was really going on and was walking away forever – her stomach still twisted roughly at the thought and she could feel the telltale sign of petals forcing their way up.

 

“Here.” Jemma came back and set a cup down in front of her.

 

Maybe it was because of her surprise that the petals retract once more as she blinked at the cup in front of her. “I thought you said I drank too much coffee as it was.”

 

Jemma took her own seat across from Daisy, a cup of tea in her hand that Daisy knew was earl grey. That was what Jemma drinks in the morning after all, and then she liked orange pekoe in the afternoon, and a lavender tea before bed. All made from flowers. All growing in her lungs.

 

“I’m making an exception as your doctor because of how tired you seem.” Is all Jemma says, taking a sip of her tea and staring at Daisy over the rim. There was a worry in her eyes that made Daisy’s heart constrict just a little and for a split second she can pretend that worry is born from a love.

 

Then the flower petals start coming up again and there was no stopping them. White citrus fruit petals this time. She googled them a while back.

 

“Oh Daisy.” Jemma whispered in abject horror, reaching over to take her arm and it hurts more than it soothes but Daisy leaned in to her grip anyway.

 

“Did I not mention this?” Daisy joked, trying to lighten the situation once more but it doesn’t work and she can hear the Jemma lecture in her head already.

 

Amazingly she was still fond of that.

 

* * *

 

 

“We can cut it out-”

 

“No.” Daisy says emphatically before Jemma could continue on with her solution.

 

“Daisy!” Jemma looked pale, the blood draining from her face, “If you don’t – if the person doesn’t love you back –“ There are tears in her eyes. “I can’t lose you Daisy. We just got everyone back.”

 

“I-”

 

 _Love you_ , she thinks.

 

“Can’t do it.” She says.

 

She meets Jemma’s eyes and pleads quietly for her to understand. “I can’t forget someone I loved.” Her father has no idea who she is and that kills a part of her inside. Would it hurt Jemma too if she forgot all about her?

 

“There’s no guarantee of that! Studies have shown some people keep the memories of the person they loved.”

 

“More studies have shown they haven’t.” Daisy replies, feeling slightly petulant. She has done her research after all, even if she did start on WebMD.

 

“Daisy!” Jemma cried again, the desperation that leaks into her voice hurts. She can picture thorns puncturing her heart right now because it certainly feels that way.

 

The coughing fit means she doesn’t have to look at Jemma anymore but there’s blood stained petals in her hand now and the situation looks grim.

 

“Please.” Jemma begs, one last time.

 

“I can’t.”

 

_I can’t forget you._

 

* * *

 

 

Jemma starts leaving pamphlets by her door. Guides on how to slow the infection – slow her death.

 

Many of them tell her that she should avoid the person she’s in love with at all costs. Daisy throws those out without a second thought.

 

Jemma also hovers a lot more. It’s annoying even if Daisy does find it cute.

 

“Quit it.” Daisy mumbled, catching Jemma staring at her from the corner of her eye. She’s at the point where she can’t trick the petals in lungs that Jemma is looking after her like this because she maybe just might love Daisy back.

 

“We still have time.” Where Jemma’s hands lay in her lap she twisted them, another lecture being ramped up. “Couldn’t you at least tell me who it is?”

 

Daisy stares at her with tired eyes. Sleep has escaped her lately; in all her dreams she’s happy and Jemma is there with her and the only petals around them come from trees. Every time she wakes it’s hard to breathe the flowers are suffocating her.

 

Jemma seemed to take her silence as a lack of response instead of her staring as the answer. She reached over, resting one hand over of Daisy’s own. “I’ll be here Daisy. I promise.”

 

It was getting hard to tell the colour of the petals with all the blood that comes up to but Daisy is pretty sure they still match Jemma somehow.

 

* * *

 

 

“Please no more Doctor Who.” Daisy groans as Jemma stood up to switch out the DVDs again.

 

“The deal was one episode for every meme you sent me and last night you sent me twenty.” Jemma shot her a look, a reminder that she was supposed to be sleeping but wasn’t.

 

“I was bored.” Daisy shrugs. “And apparently you were up.”

 

“I was asleep!” Jemma denied, “I just heard it was your ringtone and was worried. And then I was up.”

 

“I have my own ringtone?” Daisy smirked, “What is it?” When Jemma didn’t answer she groaned again. “You put it as Daisy Bell didn’t you?”

 

“You realize that’s a classic British song.” Jemma’s face was flushed and Daisy couldn’t contain her laughter, by the time she’d caught herself she noticed that Jemma was staring at her weirdly.

 

“What?” Daisy asked.

 

“Nothing. It was just nice to hear you laugh again.” Jemma’s eyes crinkled at the edges every time she gave Daisy that fond look and Daisy could have sworn there were stems around her heart that pulled tight. “I’d missed it.”

 

“I’d laugh more if we weren’t watching bad British sci fi.” Daisy said, swallowing down her emotions once more but the petals just wouldn’t be stopped and they came up in another coughing fit.

 

Jemma stays the whole night that night and let’s Daisy wake her up to show her the memes in person this time.

 

* * *

 

 

“You need to tell her.” Even after all Daisy’s training May was still able to sneak up on her and she jumped a little from where she sat at the table.

 

“You know, you and Coulson are sounding a lot alike, are we sure your brains haven’t merged through some weird experiment.”

 

May’s answer is just to raise an eyebrow at her and Daisy tried hard not to huff in annoyance.

 

“Look I’m not going to say I’m fine-” She can’t get away with this lie anymore, that much is clear. Daisy idly stirred the cup of tea that Jemma had made for her before she’d left for the lab. She’d been talking about looking into alternative cures. Daisy knows nothing will come of it. “Is it really that obvious?”

 

“To everyone but Simmons.” May replied and took a seat across from her, folding her arms in front of her on the table and looking as worried as everyone else has been around her.

 

“Nothing good will actually come of telling her.” Daisy groused, sinking lower in her chair but that hurts her lungs and she’s forced to sit back up.

 

“You don’t know that. You never saw her when we almost lost you that first time.”

 

“That was two years ago.” Daisy wiped at her face, trying to calm herself down. “If anything was going to happen between us it would have already.”

 

“You didn’t even realize you loved her until this disease hit you.” May pointed out and Daisy made a face.

 

“I mean, maybe it was there subconsciously.” Daisy sighed, “I brought her flowers when she came back from the planet. I think even then I was hoping it just…didn’t really sink in until she went out with Fitz on that dinner.”

 

Even as she says it a few petals come up and by the time she’s stopped coughing May is on the other side of the table and kneeling next to her with a hand on Daisy’s back.

 

“It’s hard.” May said quietly, “Taking a chance. I did with Andrew.”

 

She’s almost tempted to viciously say ‘how’d that work out’ but she bites her tongue; that’s needlessly cruel and helps no one.

 

“Just think about it, things could surprise you. And Jemma and Fitz…they might not work out like Fitz thinks they can.” May’s hand slid up her back to squeeze her shoulder lightly and then she turned to leave Daisy there.

 

Daisy stared at the now cold tea miserably, a memento of Jemma’s friendship and caring towards her. Better to die with that then the awkward pitying looks if Jemma finds out that this is all for her.

 

* * *

 

 

“Would it be so bad to forget them?” Jemma breaks the silence one night. Instead of going back to her room she’s crashing at Daisy’s again.

 

Daisy chuckles a little even despite the situation. “Would you want to forget Fitz?” The bitterness in her voice can’t be contained anymore. She’s given up. One way or another this will end and Daisy’s pretty sure she knows how it’s going to go.

 

Jemma frowned at her, opening her mouth a little to rebut but closing it again after thinking for a moment. “I don’t want to lose you.” She says instead, looking desperately in Daisy’s eyes.

 

“Is it morbid if I suggest you keep daisies by your bed when I’m gone?” Daisy said, wondering if Jemma would actually do such a thing.

 

Sure enough a second later Jemma yelps, “Daisy! You’re not…you can’t… who is it that wouldn’t love you?” She doesn’t answer that and Jemma plows on. “You’re kind and caring and you have dragged me into a lot of situations I would rather not be in.”

 

“Bad girl situations.” Daisy snickers and Jemma unsurprisingly ignores her to continue.

 

“But if not going through those meant that you wouldn’t be in my life I wouldn’t want it.” Jemma floundered, her hands clenching and unclenching like there’s something more that she wants to say. “I just can’t understand why this person doesn’t return your affections.”

 

“My affections.” Daisy says drily, “Going all Pride and Prejudice here.”

 

“Oh hush.” Jemma pushed her lightly and leaned in against her, resting her head on Daisy’s shoulder and she can smell her shampoo. Apple this time, the petals shift in her lungs.

 

“They’re in love with someone else is all.” Daisy admits, sinking into the couch. “I just want them to be happy.”

 

Jemma made a frustrating noise, “But not enough to forget them and maybe move on?”

 

It’s like talking to a brick wall and Daisy lightly hits her head on the back of the couch but it doesn’t do her any damage. “Jemma please, I don’t want to forget you okay?”

 

As soon as the words are out she wants to take them back, her heart seizes in her chest and there’s an overwhelming amount of flowers coming out.

 

“Daisy?” It’s hard to hear Jemma over her coughing and the rush of blood in her ears. “Daisy!” She looks up to see Jemma kneeling in front of her with tears in her eyes. “It’s me?”

 

 _It’s always been you_ , Daisy wants to say but her vision is getting blurry and her breath getting short.

 

Her eyes clear just a little and she can make out the worry lines in Jemma’s face so she reaches out to smooth them because the last thing she wants to see is Jemma being sad. She thinks she hears Jemma say something again, probably admonishing her for not telling Jemma right away or something, despite that she can’t make out the words the tone sounds fond.

 

Her last thought before she passes out is at least the view is nice.

 

* * *

 

 

To Daisy’s infinite surprise she wakes up, gasping for air. There’s a lightness in her airway she hasn’t felt in months and she clutches at her chest.

 

“You’re okay!” Jemma was at her side in an instant, moving from a chair in the corner and by the way her body creaks Daisy has to suspect she stayed there the whole time.

 

“What happened?” She feels panicked, why can she suddenly breath again? Did they ignore her wishes and try to keep her alive by cutting it out after all?

 

“I’m not dating Fitz.” Jemma blurts out as an answer and Daisy gives her her most confused face. “I’m not dating Fitz,” Jemma repeats and her face is as red as Daisy’s ever seen it, “Because I realized on the last dinner he took me out to that I’d rather be back in my room looking at the flowers you’d given me.”

 

Daisy can’t help but feel she’s still missing something but all that comes out is, “Buh?”

 

“Oh for heaven sake’s Daisy, I’m trying to tell you I love you!” Jemma huffs and Daisy’s breathe catches in her throat.

 

“Like for real?”

 

“As opposed to?”

 

“Ghosts.” Daisy shrugged, “I mean I could be dead right now. This could be the afterlife.”

 

“I’m not letting you go that easy.” Jemma crossed her arms, looking for all the world like she’s willing to fight death for Daisy and in retrospect, Daisy thinks, she has.

 

“Hunh.” Daisy leaned back, the weight of everything hitting her and her lungs feel weak but there’s nothing growing in there. No unrequited affections piling up in her throat and spilling from her mouth. “You love me.”

 

“Yes.” Jemma answered, simple and easy like a statement of fact.

 

“You know my bed is comfier than that chair.” Daisy said and shifted a bit, patting the spot on the bed next to her.

 

“Oh because I’m going to jump into bed with you that easily. At least buy me dinner first.” Jemma teased.

 

Daisy pouted, “Almost dying because I loved you so much has to count for something right?” She’s going to be playing this card for months and she knows it. By the way Jemma rolls her eyes she clearly knows it too.

 

“You’re insufferable.” Jemma muttered as she slipped into the bed next to Daisy. Her hand easily finding Daisy’s own and it’s struck her that everything in this moment has just been that. Incredibly easy, like pieces of a puzzle that were just waiting to be fit together.

 

“What happened to kind?” Daisy mock grumbled, resting her head on Jemma’s shoulder.

 

Jemma shifted to press a kiss to her forehead. “You’re that too still.”

 

Daisy lifted her head up, angling for a proper kiss. “Hey you know that I love you?”

 

“I had figured that out yes.” Jemma’s eyes are laughing, that fondness back in full force and this time Daisy knows it’s for her and her heart beats steadily and unconstructed in her chest. “I happen to love you too.”

 

She meets Daisy in the middle, pulling back only to make a face and mumble something that it has to be love since Daisy has horrible morning breath.

 

“Whatever, you taste like tea.” Daisy huffs and flops back down on to Jemma’s shoulder, her hand tingling as Jemma runs her thumb up and down it in soft motions.

 

“How about we try again when I clear you to be out of here. A proper date this time.” Jemma says, shutting her eyes to lean against Daisy.

 

“Deal.” Daisy agrees, shutting her own eyes as well because she feels so tired and can finally sleep again without the painful weight in her chest.

 

She’ll bring Jemma chocolates to their first date she figures. They’ve had enough flowers for a time.

 

When she sleeps in her dreams Jemma’s right there next to her and when she wakes up Jemma’s still there and there’s not a single petal to be seen.


End file.
